i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
