I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
