Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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