see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
