You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
