AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
