Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
