i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
