I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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