I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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