I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's shark week go big or go home
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
