Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
