so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize