Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
