Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
