You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
