Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
