did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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