My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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