i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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