Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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