Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
