I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
