Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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