Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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