She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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