Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
