Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
