Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Ladies don't puke and tell
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize