Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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