thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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