if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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