So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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