My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
