She said her name was "party"
I could make wine with my vomit
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
