I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
