If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
