Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
