But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
