ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
