everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
