you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
