don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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