I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
so much tequila, so little girl.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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