Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize