Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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