He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
