Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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