Yo dont text me then not text me
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
