I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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