peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
