she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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