Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
