i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What changed your mind?
Being sober
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
