Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
