If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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