dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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