sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
