The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
