Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
