Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
