I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
