Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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