and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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