Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
