new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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