I just threw up on my dentist
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Are we still banned from the library?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
