They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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