I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
