you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize