it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize