You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
