I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
