hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
