We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
