My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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