Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
