I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
