I'm jealous of your bromance
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
