community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
