I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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