I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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