Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
