I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Enjoy the penises
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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