You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
