One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
