why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
