I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize