Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
