I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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