I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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