Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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