I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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