Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
