is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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