the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
