I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
