Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
