I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The Olympian is in my bed
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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