i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize