i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
