i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
