she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
