dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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