I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
