You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
