I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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